Imagine being in the middle of a church service and all of a sudden, you being to have uncontrollable shaking, dizziness, spasm in your head, neck and back, pains in your arms and your chest is beating 140 beats per minute. What is the first thing that comes to mind. Heart Attack! Stroke! Death! Yeah exactly you are totally clueless as to what is transpiring at that moment. The last thing you could ever imagine is that its Stress or the infamous Nervous Breakdown. For those who are unaware of what a Nervous Breakdown is let me tell you. Mental breakdown (also known as a nervous breakdown or to snap) is a colloquial term for an acute, time-limited psychiatric disorder that manifests primarily as severe stress-induced depression, anxiety, or dissociation in a previously functional individual, to the extent that they are no longer able to function on a day-to-day basis until the disorder is resolved. A mental breakdown is defined by its temporary nature, and often closely tied to psychological burnout, severe overwork, sleep deprivation, and similar stressors, which combine to temporarily overwhelm an individual with otherwise sound mental faculties.
About 10 years ago, this happened to me. I couldn't explain anything pertaining to what I was feeling. All I could do is lay in the middle of my floor and cry. The feelings I was having were persistent and very anoying. I was afraid of going to sleep because I thought I would not wake up the next morning. I couldnt eat drink anything or even talk to anyone about my feelings. They wouldnt understand anyway. Thats what I thought in my mind.
The next day I went to the Emergency Room, telling the doctors, I was having symptoms of a heart attack. The nurse asked "did you drive here today." I said yes of course. She then stated that it wasnt heart attack becasue I would not have made it to the hospital or even out my door.
After the persistent pressure and pains I was feeling, I was finally able to go to my Primary Care Physician. He stated to me, I was having panic attacks and severe anxiety. What is that Doctor? Is it treatable?
He asked me about my family history and if mental illness was in my family. I was totally clueless. The only thing I could tell him was I've been really stressed out and have had some traumatic things to happen in my life.
In the black community, parents really don't explain to you the issues of stress at a young age. Neither did they tell you about people in the family having mental illnesses. It's like the best kept secret in my opinion.
So after months of experimenting with medication and trying to get back on track, finally a medication to assist with stabilize the panic attacks. Now mind you, I was afraid to drive, go in stores like Walmart, target SAMs or Publix. I was too afraid that I would have an attack and no one would know how to help me. I felt trapped. I was afraid to live my life. What type of a person would I be if I was unable to live the life I once lived freely. There was no one to confide in and my friends thought I'd totally lost my mind. I could tell a soul. So then I out on a facade everyday which was suppressing my feelings to everyone and smiling like I normally would. After all, life had to go on the bills had to be paid, and the odds of me being disabled was not an option.
Hiding my feelings wasn't easy. And the things people would say we're ridiculous.
Some would say, that just doesn't happen to Black people. Its all in your mind. You need to chill out. Stop thinking that something is wrong with you. It was totally a lost cause in my mind. Just keep it to myself.
So here I am 10 years later. Although mental illness doesn't just disappear. There is a lot of work that you must put into getting better. The body cannot operate without the mind. Not to sound insensitive but if your doctor say you have a deadly disease and it can be cured, are you going to lay down and die, or will you take the steps to cure yourself? Your brain should get the same attention.
Many of us have had traumatic things to attack us, yet we have not taken the necessary steps to heal. It's imperative that we as individuals make a more conscience effort to not hold on to negativity and hurt. These things only snowball and become the trigger in which spawns a possible negative effect on our lives long term.
Don't allow what other may think, feel, or say determine your feelings and your hearings. Mental illness attacks individuals differently. No one person will have the same symptoms. Choose the best healing technique for you, but always consult a professional first and remember try to relax. Your journey has not ended; it's just began.
Mental illness is serious like any other illness. Don't allow sigma to keep you from taking the necessary precautions to healing. It takes patience and effort on your part to heal.
Remember Kindness Matters!!!!
You don't have to go through it alone. There are support groups, hotlines, and many other avenues of coping.
You are never alone!!!!
